Our founding Mother has 2 daggs and 3 kids at home. Her favorite child lives too far away to come back, but at least he knows she loves him most. With all the drama that the 3 kids and 2 daggs cause at home Pants has had the audacity to bit*h slap pancreatic cancer for the past 2 years, run a 5K, and put plastic sheets on the bed when John’s friends come over.
She has put up with the likes of Genital Gym Williams, Josh Braggs, T-Bone Koegel, David Grimes, and Alli Philabaum! She was a strict chick, never allowing her kids to have an all night curfew, we had to be in before the carriage turned back into a pumpkin. Still she always wakes up or sleeps on the couch waiting for us to come home. We call it overbearing, she calls it stressful!
But with all her rules and awesome cooked meals, somehow all of us still get along. As many times as we ran to our rooms yelling that we wish she weren’t our mother, we are so happy that we still have many days left being mad and happy with this chick! Her lack of direction and her ability to butcher our friends name and pretend she is senile has left us with many good memories. Oh and if you ever hear a story that is retold by Nancy Pants please know that about 35% of it may be true! She is the breast at making things up, it’s like a game of telephone she plays with herself, so when the story finally comes out you have little of what’s left from the way things really happened!
Regardless, Pants has been there to take us on vacations, meet us at weddings, and see us in all our Wild Turkey glory! She has no idea what she created, 4 little monsters that are so similar and so unique that I am sure she is confused as to how and why we do half the things that we do. She has witnessed our immortal races, a t shirt company out of her basement, and all the hoopla surrounding the one and only Pants Party.
Still working with a bunch of crazies, Pants and the brest nurse ever, Jill Micheal Bolton Stricker, Pants has kept some of her sanity. It must be therapeutic to a degree because that way she can’t answer all of our phone calls and get out of the house/John’s Juplife HQ.
So celebrate your mothers responsibly! You only have them around so long, but they are the backbone of your life. They are willing to put up with the many demands of their kids, and they can even vote these days! Some moms even work, truly amazing since they have to come home and deal with kids and kitchens all night! This is the reason Pants now takes a siesta with the dogs routinely. She has to be ready for all her kids to come home, even though she already kicked them all of the house once already!