A Dictionary of the Pronk Language:
The Pronk Language originates from Hermosa Beach, CA and credits His Pronkness and Binger Von Bingerstein as co-conspirators and originators of this unique, versatile dialect. Legend states, the Pronk Language was invented in 2001 by Cousin Pat and Ex-Step Cousin Brian while they were painting Uncle Kelly’s garage. After several days of “bing’ing” beers and painting, their job at Uncle Kelly’s was complete. The interactions and events that took place during these four days are still highly controversial. Nevertheless, this time will be forever known as the birth of the Pronk Language.
The Pronk Language consists of a sophisticated set of descriptors, nouns, and jaa terms used by the most skillful Pronkstars. Efficiency of the complex Pronk Language requires Pronkbirds to possess superior verbal skills that combine both the timing and practicality of said terms.
Bengal:
(noun)
1. Great helmet, not so great jersey.
Antonym – see: minotaur
Bish:
(noun)
1. An enemy or enema
2. A term of endearment for lady pronkbirds,
“And when I say bish, I don’t mean, like, an actual bitch, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.”
Binger:
(noun)
1. Brian Patrick Farrell was born May 11, 1977 (year of the prairie dog), in Lancaster, PA and currently pronks and tweets in Los Angeles, CA playing blackjack for a living. In his free time he plays bass in a Guns N’ Roses tribute band at the Cat Club on the Sunset Strip and is a stand-up comedian and actor. His roles include the fidgety guy in the film, “Hunting of a Man,” the pool guy in “A Perfect Life,” and Cecil in “Vampires in Venice,” including many other featured blockbuster films.
See also: Ex-Step Cousin; Binger Von Bingerstein
Binger Von Bingerstein:
(noun)
1. Leader of POR’s Department of Knowledge & Motivation. Best known for his YouTube sensations, his passion for pronking has made him a motivational expert specializing in seminars, lectures, and personal consultations.
See also: Ex-Step Cousin; Binger
Brah:
(noun)
1. A dude, someone that you almost love, a person that you would have their back even if they dated your sister. Someone you would share your last bowl of Connamon toast crunch with, or the love seat if it was the only seat left in the room.
“And when I say brah, I don’t mean, like, an actual brah, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.”
Breast:
(descripter)
1. The upper dorsal of a woman
2. Located on the pectorals of most pronkbirds and lady pronkbirds
3. Typically substituted for the word best, most commonly used way in which breast is used in the Pronkulary.
“We’re the 3 breast friends that anyone could have, We’re the 3 breast friends that anyone could have , We’re the 3 breast friends that anyone could have and we’ll never ever ever leave each other”
Dece:
1. Shortened version of decent.
2. Telling your brahs and bishes you rightfully agree with their tweets, or that the pronkathon was something you recommend.
Ex-Step Cousin:
(noun)
1. Your aunt marries a man who has a son from a previous marriage. This man’s son is exceptionally good-looking, charismatic, and charming. At a later date, your aunt divorces this man. Subsequently, you refuse to acknowledge the lack of relation to this person.
See also: Binger Von Bingerstein, Binger
Finger Lock:
(gesture)
1. Form of handshake, basically taking another’s hand in the form of a high five and interlocking your fingers.
Finger locking another man with a wolf shirt is not appalling, it is actually gratifying and makes a night at the gas light complete.
G word:
(noun)
1. A commonly used term used instead of saying gay.
2. Phonetically and PC correct way of saying something is wicked gay, without offending parties of any kind.
“That unicorn on your shirt is g word, I bet you even have a facebook account for your daggs.”
Gas Lite:
(noun)
1. Where immortals get their shirts ripped to shreds, buttons are optional.
2. A karaoke smorgasbord, a place of wisdom, and a town that celebrates the Thong Song and Turkey Bombs.
Gobble Gobble:
(naysay)
1. The commonly used phrase to say goodbye to your fellow PronkStars.
2. Stomping out wild turkey as it arrives at your palate.
3. A sign off often used on voicemails and emails from fellow pants off racers.
Habi:
1. The god of laughter, something funny, aka “haaa haa”
2. Mighty laughing.
Hamster Wheel:
(verb)
1. Term used to describe an out of body experience while pronking a thon or workout.
2. To pronk on a treadmill (most likely due to weather circumstances preventing a Pronkstar in training from turbopronking pavement).
“Hamster wheeled sautéed runyon canyon today and left my ipod in this lady pronkbirds purse so I could turbo tweet with that slampiece later on.”
Have a Day:
(jaaa)
1. Common sign off in which a pronkbird confuses the receiver.
2. To sweep a series of wild turkeys in succession without even burping or chasing it with a beverage that doesn’t come from the Turkish family.
His Pronkness:
(noun)
1. Often confused with Travis Hafner, Pat Amato, P-Dinger, and/or Skeets; the founding father of the Pronk language lives in legendary status among the dedicated Pronkstar elite and immortals. Developer of the illustrious Pronk90X, he has revolutionize the pronking world by frequenting such places as the Gas Lite and The Parlor, fending off overly aggressive Minotaurs and Bengals while preparing for his next pronkathon.
See also: Travis Hafner; Pronk; Immortal
HURD:
1. Common sign off by Pronkirds. When turbo tweeting Birds often say HURD
2. Typically a positive saying, “I hear ya”, “Your jerking was riddick…HURD”, “Ya HURD?”
3. A nickname given to POR’s at work when people become envious of the vocabulary of a Pants of Racer. Often a term of endearment or jealousy, wanting only to become part of the fight club in which the PORer comes from
Immortal:
(noun)
1. Pronkstars that have completed the most grueling of pronkathons regardless of how many songs they have karaoke’d at the Gas Lite. More likely than not, they have completed or created Pronk90X.
See also; His Pronkness
Ironguard:
(noun)
1. A tall kid that sings karaoke and wears shirts sometimes.
2. Often plays swords with sticks and can be seen napping on TV on the field of Notre Dame games.
Ja:
1. Look up soldier, army of immortals
2. A term used to reply to fluent Pronkbirds when you are lost in translation or have nothing more to add.
Kankles & Wankles & Mankles:
(noun)
1. The growth of one’s calves into the upper-most region of the foot without separation or appearance of having an ankle
2. A deformity of the Pronkbird leg
3. Joe Pinciotti’s obsession.
Wankles and Mankles are the male and famale (female just pronounced like tamale) forms of the kankle
Keed :
(verb)
1. To joke, to make sarcasm work in the favor of oneself, to confuse another person to submission.
Lady-Pronkbird:
(noun)
1. A female companion in pronking or love interest.
Minotaur:
(noun)
1. As the Greeks imagined, it was a creature with the head of a bull on the body of a man or, as described by Ovid, “part man and part bull.”
“I definitely should not have made time with that Minotaur from The Gas Lite last night. I didn’t notice those wankle kankles with all the smoke in my eyes.”
Antonyms – see: Bengal
Na na:
1. A disguised term for fun, laughing and enjoying the finer things in life.
Every Pronkstar looks for more na na in their life, it is what makes the world and head go round.
Ninja dust(ing):
(verb)
1. A discrete act of illusion and trickery by an experienced Pronkstar leaving a trail of last night’s turbodog within smelling distance of your friend.
2. Often done by wafting or sweeping the odor in the direction of your friends nose.
Prairie Dog:
(noun)
1. Burrowing rodents native to the grasslands of North America.
(verb)
1. A workout on the flats, enjoying a run at max speed on flat terrain, often seen in tie dyed headbands or without pants, hence the pants off racer.
2. To run up hills.
Pronk90X:
(noun)
1. A revolutionary system of 12 sweat-inducing, muscle-pumping workouts, designed to transform your body from regular to prontastic in just 90 days.
Pronk:
(verb)
1. To perform something at a very fast pace
2. Travel distance by running
(noun)
1. A celestial state of being sharing attributes with the yin. As a ying-yang represents wholeness or completeness, the Pronk maintains its bird counterpart to aid wandering travelers in their pursuit of the life.
See also: Travis Hafner; His Pronkness
Pronkathon:
(noun)
1. Generally, this term refers to the standard length thon of 26.2, but could also refer to pronking events of all distances (i.e. 5k/10k pronk or half-pronkathon of 13.1) for pronkbirds of all pronklevels (No pronk is too small!)
PronkCycle:
(noun)
1. The bike in which u choose to do your pronking, got to get those Pronkbird legs in shape for turbowheelin’ the gerbil wheel.
PronkMobile:
(noun)
1. Typically an auto driven by a Pronkbird or Lady Pronkbird to take them to races and pronkathons
2. Could also be the cab, because Pronkbirds know when to say when, Pronk responsibly!
3. A box-ish shaped honeywagon, not a Vespa
Pronkortunity:
(noun)
1. An opportunity to pronk or promote pronking
plural – pronkortunities
Pronkstar:
(noun)
1. A pronkbird who has successfully completed a pronkathon
Retard Sandwich:
(noun)
1. A metaphor for someone that can’t understand anything you are saying
“Seriously brah did you eat a retard sandwich, pick up my putter.”
Ribs:
(noun)
1. T9-word equivalent to pics, or “pictures.”
“Need ribs, more ribs!”
Riddick:
(noun)
1. Often confused with Andy Roddick, tennis Pronkstar.
2. A way of telling your friends that something was ridiculous, but even more so.
Sherm: (the)
(noun)
1. Kitchen often attended by Binger
2. Steakhouse in the valley of Porn, Van Nuys, CA
3. Breast steak this side of the Pacific Ocean
Slampiece:
(noun)
1. Often used in the northern CA region, particularly Palo Alto. This is a reference to a Lady Pronkbird that makes you body jerk even if you are in state of complete drooling from Wild Turkey shots and have just passed out in a boneyard of pizza crusts.
“Let’s take this can and check out the Patio, betcha there are some SP’s up in that club.”
Streisand:
(noun)
1. Somebody regarded as weak, timid, unassertive, or ineffectual
“Y’know, I always thought that you were like a Streisand, but you’re pronkin’ the crap out of this one!”
Antonym: Pronkstars, Immortals
See also: Soup Sangwich
Soup Sangwich:
(noun)
1.A slang term used by members of the United States Army to describe a fellow soldier whose performance is unsatisfactory or weak.
“You think you’re tough, but you’re just a soup sangwich.”
See Also: Streisand
Tax Season:
(noun)
1. The intense period of time spent pronking, turbopronking and hampster wheeling in preparation for the upcoming pronkathon.
2. A time in which the lady pronkbird and pronkbird are courting. This exercise is never arranged, though often seen at booking clubs in Koreatown.
Thar:
(jaa)
1. Some kind of animal that is made up, a creation that you only would recognize if you reach a state of nirvana, applications to POR must be filled out to reach this level.
Travis Lee Hafner:
(noun)
1. Born June 3, 1977, is a left-handed hitting designated hitter for the Cleveland Indians of the American League Central Division. He attended Cowley County Community College in Arkansas City, Kansas. His nickname, “Pronk”, was given to him by former teammate Bill Selby during spring training of 2001 when people would sometimes refer to him as “The Project” and other times “Donkey” for the way he looked when running the bases.
Tron:
(noun)
1. The creator of batches, huge quantities of food and boxed wine.
2. A robot that functions much like a human, but must be plugged in and charged for at least 10 hours daily.
3. One that sleeps until 12 noon each weekend day
4. Tax season is considered one big holiday for this robot
TurboPronk:
(verb)
1. A conquering and crushing pronking exercise
TurboTweet:
(verb)
1. A conquering and crushing tweeting exercise
TurboWheeling:
(verb)
1. Any type of tweeting that a Pronkbird chooses to do, as long as wheels are involved, may be skateboarding, driving, pronkcycling, etc.
2. Dominating a hill sess with ex step cousin binger.
T’wasesome:
(descripter)
1. A Michael Ian Black classic, a shorthand word he invented for “It was awesome.” Further, it was cerebral and immortal, only happens once in a great while.
2. When awesome is an understatement
Tweet:
(verb)
1. To perform. To eat, sleep, run, ride, swim, lay
2. A light high-pitched note, especially one sung by a small bird
“If you’re gonna tweet, tweet a carrot or a peach”
Tweeting the Retard Salad:
(verb)
1. Reference to the reefer, Pronkbirds don’t mess with this, they leave this to Stony Ryan.
“Tweet a peach or an apple, don’t tweet the salad, leave this to Stony.”
Socrates once said, “The Pronk is the guiding light toward the bird”. Plato maintained that, “Pronk is simply a form or emancipation of the true form known as The Pronkness”. And Sun Tzu once scribed, “All warfare is based on Pronk. Keep your friends close, and your Pronkbirds closer”. And dating back to early nomadic tribes, they reaffirmed the holy pronkness by exclaiming, “ahaj edindnsysn. Ssushbebs,” which directly translates to “I be Pronkin”. I don’t even remember what I just wrote. I just blacked out.
The Pronk Language is considered a developing language. Please submit potential additions to The Pronktionary staff at your own discretion. We would like to personally thank the following Pronkstars for their contributions to the first edition of the Pronktionary: Drew Updike, Matt Wrablik, Katie Cunningham, Sarah Copeland, and Hank.
